This is how you know if someone doesn't want to be your friend (2024)

There are times in life when it seems like someone isn't really interested in being your friend. More telltale indicators include being reserved during your interactions, consistently failing to connect, and constantly making excuses to avoid plans.

To help you distinguish true friends from mere acquaintances, we share tips on what to look for. This article also describes how to handle this situation.

Why is it important to recognize true friendships?

Because people arepredominantly social beings, it is normal to long for companionship and companionship with others. While you andto keep friendsis an essential part of your social and daily life,after a certain ageit can be a little difficult to find like-minded people who are willing to share their joys, fears, happiness and worries with you.

If you've met someone new or have an existing partner who you consider a friend, there are times when you're not sure if they see you the same way.

“If you're the one constantly reaching out and trying to maintain the friendship while the other person seems passive or disinterested, this could be a sign that the other person doesn't want to be your friend and doesn't value your relationship,” saysAvigail Lev, PsyD, founder and director of the Bay Area CBT Center.

Since your time is limited, focus on spending your energy on genuine friendships with people who truly appreciate you. If you feel like someone doesn't really want to be your friend, it might be time to let go of the relationship.

Signs that someone doesn't want to be your friend

Sometimes it's easy to tell when someone doesn't really want to be friends, but the signs can also be more subtle. Relationships change over time, and people who were previously more invested in the relationship may become more distant.

In either case, here are a few signs that someonedon't want to be friends:

You always contact us first

While there's no denying that our daily lives can be very busy, it can be a warning sign if you find yourself constantly having to make the first move with a so-called friend, whether that's through calls, texts or emails .

"You may also notice that they are often unavailable or unresponsive. They don't respond to your texts or messages, or they take a very long time to respond. It can feel like you're always the one reaching out, and they They don't make any effort to keep in touch," says Lev.

Consider who starts the conversation. If you add it all up and find that nine out of ten (or all ten) times contact is made, the effort was made by you, then the other person may not consider you a friend.

Lack of genuine enthusiasm

In another warning, someone may be giving signals that he/she is not interested in a personal relationship with you. Think about the responses he or she gives during your interactions.

When this happens, you may notice that they answer one-word questions or are less than enthusiastic about hearing from you. This is usually made worse by the fact that you most likely made the move to hit base first.

Being reserved or rude during interactions

You can tell that someone has little interest in being more than an acquaintance by examining how they talk to you.

While a friend might use informal language, share a few jokes, or otherwise communicate in a light-hearted manner, someone who doesn't consider you their friend might sound more official or formal and give clipped answers when you meet them in person. engage them in a conversation.

In other cases, they may insult you or even make rude comments. “They may make indirect statements that are mean or rude, or that put you down in some way. Their jokes or comments may have a negative tone, making you feel undermined or unappreciated in the friendship,” says Lev .

They avoid meetings or tend to cancel plans

An unfortunately hurtful way to identify someone who isn't interested in friendship is how little you see him or her. After you've gone to the trouble of inviting them to a drink, a gallery opening, to view your apartment or another apartment, there is usually an excuse that explains why they can't be there on the designated day.

Even worse, they may agree to meet you, only to cancel the day or go through any number of ways to postpone. These constant excuses and cancellations not only affect the friendship, but also your well-being.

“It can make you feel like you're not a priority in their lives,” says Lev.

You put in more effort than they do

Calling to check in, arranging meetings, sending gifts, stopping by to check on the houseplant's water, and similar behaviors are easy ways to show you care.

If you find yourself routinely putting more effort into the friendship or performing highly unbalanced acts of love toward your supposed companion, it may mean that they view your interactions as something different and usually less than a friendship.

They don't engage with you on social media

While this doesn't always indicate that someone doesn't want you as a friend, recording your social media activity can paint a clearer picture of the true state of your relationship.

If they don't acknowledge your stories or posts, or perhaps even make an effort to ignore the comments you make on their social media, it could mean they don't want to be seen in that space with you.

Dismissing social media may seem trivial, but it can be a valid way to determine how someone really feels about you.

They only talk about their interests

There are special cases where someone can check many of the smaller boxes that make up a friend: answering calls, accepting meetings, checking in from time to time, but depending on the topics your interactions cover, you can tell if they really see you as a real friend or not.

When you find it difficult to contribute something to the conversation because you are someone you knowgoes on and onabout their performance, how they spent their week, what projects they are finding difficult, etc., this could indicate that they see you only as a sounding board and are less concerned about what might happen in your life.

A friend will want to listen to how you are doing, the exciting projects you have been working on, they may even tease you about your love life, but you will always feel like it is an interaction and not a therapy session where you have to play the role of silent listener.

How to deal with a one-sided friendship

There are many reasons why friendship is like thisvalued partof our society. A true friend is there for you in the good times, and will lend a helping hand in less than rosy times. This is why caution is needed when selecting people to be part of your inner circle.

If someone doesn't consider you a friend, it means you're in what is essentially aone-sided friendship. you can see it in their words and actions and the effect their indifferent attitude can have on your well-being. Just like you can't expect to be friends with everyone, not everyone wants to be friends with you.

If someone is giving signals that he or she does not want to be friends, it is important to pay attention to these signals. However, it is just as important to avoid feeling bad about yourself.

Not all people are compatible, and the other person may have things going on in their life that could get in the way of your friendship. Instead, focus on directing your energy toward other people who will be more receptive to your gestures of friendship.

While it can be painful to accept that you may not be anyone's cup of tea, it can also serve as an opportunity to appreciate the loved ones who are willing to stick with you through thick and thin. It may be hard to keep your chin up and get past the disappointment, but it will make you better off in the long run.

Are you a sympathetic person? Do the test

This quick, free quiz can help you understand whether you possess traits that could make you more or less likable.