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6 answers
Last updated: 26/03/2018 at 19:05
Moderated by
Tracy-Kate on the phone, PsyD, MA, LMFT
Marriage and family therapist
I help adults and couples in CA who are experiencing relationship and interpersonal challenges, including anxiety, depression, and countless other life challenges.
Top rated answers
20 November 2017 at 07.05
First, determine WHY you feel the need to avoid your friends? Do they not fit or share your personal views or goals? Do they make you feel uncomfortable or force you to do things you don't want to do? Sometimes we try to avoid our friends because they are just NOT the right people we need in our lives. We need people who understand us and support our thoughts, values and needs. Many friends may just be people who want to hang out with us to tease us and make us feel bad so they can feel better. They use us for their own benefit. These are people we actually want to avoid for healthy reasons. Our intuition knows that they do not have our best interests at heart. However, sometimes we avoid our friends when we feel sad, uncomfortable, or depressed because we don't want to burden them with our problems. This is a sign of social isolation that needs to be addressed. It's okay to let people in and share our problems. It's even okay to hang out with them and not talk about the things on our minds, even if THEY know something is bothering us. Good friends give us space when we need it, but act as a stable sounding board when we want to vent and talk about ideas. If you avoid these types of people, ask yourself why. Try to make plans, even small ones, to see them and cherish the friendship. Even if it's just ten minutes for a cup of coffee to talk about the weather or listen to their favorite crush. A little effort can both go a long way!
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November 18, 2016 at 4:28 am
Do you find yourself avoiding your friends because you are not interested in being around them for personal reasons, such as because they are offensive to you or because your interests and views do not align well? If you avoid your friends for reasons such as social anxiety or because you feel like you're not as good as them, you may want to talk to a counselor or professional about how to make yourself more socially comfortable around your friends . If you are still interested in maintaining these friendships, sometimes telling a friend that you are dealing with some personal matters or going through something can help them understand that you are not deliberately avoiding them as a way to to end these friendships. For me, I tend to avoid my peers because I'm not quite ready to participate in an activity or have a conversation with them. Sometimes I'm too tired to hang out, but other times I have a very low desire to be around anyone.
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15 February 2017 at 14.58
It depends on. Why do you avoid them? If there has been a conflict, confrontation is the only real way to resolve it. This doesn't necessarily mean a fight, but you talk about it. Isolation can come from fear.
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20 November 2016 at 11.17
I would start by telling them my true needs and asking myself why I am doing this in the first place. How can you make people you avoid your friends? How do you define a friendship? Can these people understand your needs and help you? Without communication, no one can know what you are going through.
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November 21, 2016 at 6:28 p.m
You can stop avoiding your friends by finding an alternative way to communicate what you haven't been able to say to them. Alternatively, you can write down your thoughts and post them, or send your thoughts to them via text message or even email. While the former are a good form of communication, nothing is more genuine than a face-to-face conversation. If it helps, maybe find someone who can help you practice what to say to your friends before you meet them.
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March 26, 2018 at 7:05 PM
By communicating with them how you feel. Tell them you love them in a loving way. But that you saw something in their behavior that made you distance yourself from them. And you don't want to do that. You want them in your life. How can we solve this?
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