Many friendships are sometimes a bit crooked. However, if things stay out of balance for too long, you may want to rectify the situation or go your own way. Breaking up friendships is the worst, so let's try not to do that (if possible).
One-sided friendships come in many varieties, but they have one thing in common.
You put in the most effort while your friend is distant or does things that really hurt you.
Ultimately, you lack the support and companionship you deserve. This could also be code for bad boundaries and perhaps some strange codependency. You can make room in your life for healthy relationships in which you feel cared for and appreciated.
Important things about one-sided friendship:
Look for signs such as always reaching out or feeling unsupported to identify unbalanced friendships.
Boundaries, breaks and diversified connections can help restore balance.
Communicate your feelings and needs openly, without judgment.
Don't rely too much on one friendship for all your social needs.
Adjust expectations realistically as life changes so friendships can develop.
If talking doesn't help, taking a break or ending the friendship may be the healthiest thing to do.
Grieve, practice self-care, reflect, forgive yourself, and find new connections as you heal.
You deserve balanced, caring friendships. Any imbalance is not your fault.
With effective communication and self-compassion, you can handle one-sided friendships while prioritizing your well-being.
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Signs of a one-sided friendship
Here are some signs that your friendship may have become unbalanced:
Usually it is you who makes contact or makes plans for a meeting. Your friend rarely reaches out first.
When you share things that are happening in your life, your friend doesn't ask follow-up questions or offer emotional support. But you are always there to listen when they want to talk.
Your friend often breaks plans with you or shows up late without explanation. They don't seem to value your time.
You feel like you do a lot more to maintain the friendship than your friend does. You don't feel appreciated.
Why one-sided friendships arise
There are a few common reasons why friendships can become lopsided over time:
Your lives and priorities have diverged, so you don't have much in common anymore.
Your friend is going through a challenging personal situation that requires their time and energy.
You have different communication styles and expectations regarding friendship.
Your friend is not purposefully neglecting you. They may just not realize how you feel.
Strategies for dealing with one-sided friendships:
1.Set boundaries
Let others knowHowyou want to be treated and the consequences of exceeding your limits. Back up your words with consistent action to show you mean it.Boundariesare loving and this allows everyone to flourish and be fully themselves in the relationship. If you can't have difficult conversations, you're not in a friendship... you're in something completely different.
2.Take breaks
If your friendship is already tense, it can help to take some distance. You'll probably think more clearly after a break. Again, this is another way to set boundaries. You should never be the "only person" they hang out with - we need all kinds of friends, from acquaintances to casual friends to work friends, etc. If you only hang out with one person exclusively and neglect other friendships, this is fertile ground for codependency.
3.Diversify connections
While you're taking care of business, take advantage of opportunities to socialize with other friends and make new connections.Expecting too much from a single relationship can put too much pressure on both of you.One person is not meant to bear the entire burden of all things, not even our romantic partners. Interdependence in friendships is so important and we need all types of people in our lives to thrive.
4.Recognize change – friendships evolve
Maybe you felt close at first, but you drifted in opposite directions. Evaluate your current lifestyle and values to see what makes sense for you now. How can you show yourself differently? What do you need from your friend to feel supported at this stage of life? Maybe you're getting married, getting divorced or having children, and your partner isn't in the same phase. It can feel isolating and lonely, and the expectations of your friendship have changed. Use your voice, express what is perceived, and work to create something different for you and your friend. You are both dynamic individuals and changing, you invite them into the new space if they can show up (and want to).
5.Go to therapy
If one-sided friendships seem to be a pattern for you, talking to a therapist can help. Working with a counselor can give you new insights and coping strategies. Seeking counseling can be extremely helpful in helping you understand why you are acting out in your relationships and how you can grow into a healthier and complete version of yourself.
If you feel like your friendship is one-sided, it can be a good idea to have an honest conversation with your friend about how you feel. It is important to communicate your feelings in onecalmInnon-accusatory manner(think of 'I' statements versus 'you' statements)and to be open to their perspective. You can say something like:"I havenoticed that I seem to be the one making plans and reaching out more often and I wanted to talk to you about how our friendship is going.It's also important to consider whether you're giving them space to breathe and whether you're being fair in your expectations of them. It's also possible that your friend isn't aware of the imbalance, so talking about it can help.
It's also important to be honest with yourself about the relationship. You might ask yourself whether this friendship brings you joy or whether it exhausts you. And if you don't find mutual benefits in the friendship, it might be time to move on and find a new friend with whom you can find common interests, goals, and feelings.
1.Clarify situations - differentiate between a friend who seems distracted and one who is abusive or deceitful.
Talk to your friend to see if your perception is correct. They may have a different perspective on your relationship. What do they notice? Do they respond to your concerns and perceptions with empathy and care or with judgment and a "I don't see it that way" attitude?
2.Express needs
Tell your friend what you need. Be specific without being judgmental. Tell them if it bothers you to keep waiting if they are late for coffee dates. Tell others when you are going through hard times and need more help than usual.Ready is kind.Unmet expectations are anger waiting to happen, your friend can't read your mind so stop waiting for him or her to "say something". Talk about what's ahead!
3.Mutual Disclosure
You can reduce the risk of one-sided friendships by taking the time to build a solid foundation for your relationships. Provide mutual and gradual disclosure so that you really get to know each other. Flooding or oversharing is not helpful to anyone. You shouldn't have any lingering vulnerability hangovers after your first 1 or 2 hangouts with your new friend.
4.Support exchange
Also pay attention to whether you both come together to support each other in difficult times and celebrate happy occasions. Your friend's previous track record can help you predict whether he or she will be there for you when you need him or her. If you need more support or a different kind of support, use your words again:clear is friendly.
5.Consistency is important - If you want your friend to be trustworthy and considerate, show him the same courtesy
Keep your word when you promise to plan a party together or take them to the airport. Don't be a flake, be consistent!
Tips to restore balance
If you value the friendship, there are proactive steps you can take to get things back on track:
Have an open, non-judgmental conversation with your friend. Explain how you felt using "I" statements. See if they also have concerns to share.
Make sure you don't rely too much on one person to be together. Develop other friendships too.
Adjust your expectations based on where you both are in life at the moment. Accept that the friendship may look different than before.
Suggest new activities that you can enjoy together. Doing new things can give your relationship a new boost.
If your conversations don't lead to any change, consider taking a break or amicably ending the friendship to reduce potential resentment.
Healing one-sided friendships
Healing a one-sided friendship can take time and self-care. Helpful strategies include:
Dealing with a one-sided friendship can be an emotional challenge, but there are constructive steps you can take to restore balance, move on, or end the relationship gracefully. The most important thing is totune into your emotionsInneed.If you don't feel cared for, appreciated, and supported, you may need to reconsider the friendship. It stinks, but you deserve to have friendships that are healthy and life-giving.
With compassionate and effective communication, boundary setting, self-care, and an extensive social network, you can build fulfilling, healthy friendships that nourish you just the same. Instead of blaming yourself, recognize that you deserve mutual relationships. And if that friend is unable or unwilling to meet your needs, you have the power to seek out connections that help you thrive.
