In a one-sided friendship, the communication, time, and effort to maintain the connection usually fall into the hands of one person.
Friends can provide support in so many ways: soup when you're sick, words of comfort, or...distractionafter a bad day, or an extra bedroom when you have to go away.
Strong friendships are built onmutualsupport.
One-sided friendships can leave you confused and hurt. You show interest in their well-being, but they show little interest in you and your needs unless you make an effort to draw them out.
If they need something, they will contact you immediately. But when you're in need, you just can't reach them.
If any of your friendships are feeling a little out of balance, we've got your back with strategies to recognize those friendships and keep them from draining you.
Unhealthy friendships can take many forms.
Your friend is not allowed to gossip,lie, or do whateverimmediately painful. They can be great - if they actually come through. The problem is that they only occur rarelyDoingget through.
These important signs can help you identify a one-sided friendship:
It's all about them
A good friendlistens with empathy. If you catch them in a crisis, they may say so, but they will make sure to contact you later.
In a one-sided friendship, mostconversationsrevolves around their needs and interests. When you ask, “How are you?”, they share their recent problems and then sign, “And you?”
When you first start talking, they seem to tune out or quickly turn the conversation back on themselves and say, "Oh, that reminds me of..." or "That's just like what happened to me the other day." happen….”
When you spend time together, they tend to dictate what you do and insist on having things their way rather than taking your opinion into account.
They don't open
Friendships can become unbalanced if one person doesn't share much.
Some people have onemore difficult to openabout emotional problems or other difficulties. They may deflect questions about their personal lives and avoid sharing anything other than superficial details about themselves.
Instead of dominating the conversation, they turn their backs on it, creating a very different kind of discomfort.
Their reluctance to share may have nothing to do with their feelings for you or your friendship, but your interactions can still feel flat and incomplete. Dealing with someone is difficult if you don't have a clear idea of who he/she is.
You can't count on them
Support from friends can make a big difference in times of need.
True friends do their best to help where possible. On the other hand, the feeling that you are not sure whether you can actually turn to someone when you need them offers little relief. A lack of emotional support can cause you to experience feelingsisolatedand more miserable than before.
Perhaps you recently volunteered at the last minute to help your friend move. But whenvanFind your dream apartment and ask for moving help, they don't respond to your messages.
They can also:
- regularly canceling or forgetting plans
- showing irritation or frustration towards you for no apparent reason
- you breakto trustby sharing personal information with others
Their behavior follows a pattern
People sometimes need more from others than they can offer in return. A friend experiencing stressful circ*mstances may respond to this tension by temporarily leaning more heavily on others than normal.
Of course it is exactly thatfriendshipfunds. You help friends when they need you and lift them up when they are feeling down. However, in healthy friendships this usually balances out. If you need help, don't doubt their willingness to help in any way possible.
A friend who accepts your support but consistently doesn't reciprocate, especially when you need it most, may not have your best interests at heart.
It is convenient for them
You may notice that you're always the one who reaches out, or that your friend only reaches out when he needs something. They may need help, someone to talk to, money, transportation, or some other service. But they never text or call just to see how you're doing or to spend time together.
You may also always have to go to them. They don't stop by and come to your side of town to hang out. Sometimes it can be more lively where your friend lives and that can be a good reason to go there. But if there are other signals too, they might just be using you.
Like any relationship, friendship takes work.
Of course, life circ*mstances can temporarily prevent someone from devoting energy to a friendship. But healthy friendships usually involve good communication, so you probably have an idea of what's going on.
While you may not give back time, affection, or gifts, it can still be quite painful when someone keeps taking but never giving. Wanting affection, especially from someone who claims not to care, is not selfish or unusual at all.
It's normal to be angry about an unbalanced friendship, and you're not "needy" because you want more. You spend time and effort.
Your friendparticipationthey care, but their continued disinterest strongly suggests otherwise. This can cause a lot of emotional turmoil.
They made you wonder
A balanced friendship can help strengthen your sense of belonging and self-worth.
However, if you think a friend doesn't care about you, you can do the opposite. Instead of feeling supported and strengthened, you may:
- If you have offended them, worry
- feelingturned down
- believe that your personality or interests are somehow lacking
When you begin to question your own guilt, you may criticize perceived mistakes and avoid other friends for fear of driving them away as well.
This not only makes you isolated and vulnerablenegative self-talkcan also be yoursself image.
You don't know what to expect
Maybe sometimes your friend does something to strengthen your belief in his or her commitment to the friendship, but fails to follow through. They can write something like, “Hello, I'm just thinking about you” or “It's been too long! Let's make plans to meet up soon.'
However, in their next message, they don't waste any time asking for your help with anything. This shift dampens your enthusiasm and gives you the distinct impression that they only value what you can do for them.
Even if they don't need anything, they can quickly fall back into their usual habit of not responding. You think they don't intend to hurt you, but their regular neglect raises doubts.
Sometimes people get so caught up in their own worries that they have little energy to offer to others, so your friend may not have any bad intentions behind their behavior. Either way, their lack of interest can leave you feeling disconnected and unfulfilled.
You still feel lonely
It's normal to want to maintain strong friendships. After all, isolation can have serious psychological and physical health consequences. However, a friend who gives you the comfort you provide without considering your emotional needs cannot ease your loneliness.
Emotional support requires emotional energy. If you continue to invest time and energy in a friendship without getting anything in return, you may feel disconnected and have little energy for other friends.
When an unbalanced friendship creates feelings of insecurity or loss of trust, you may become wary of trusting any friendship.
Even if your friendship feels imbalanced rather than mutually supportive, you don't have to give it up completely.
These strategies can help you bring it back into balance:
To have a conversation
Several factors can contribute to one-sided friendships. Your friend may have something he or she is worried about, even if he or she hasn't felt able to share it, and he or she may not realize how unsupported you feel.
By opening a dialogue, you can tell them how their behavior affects you and give them the opportunity to share what's going on.
“I” statements and other thingsgood communication techniquescan help you avoid sounding accusatory.
Try starting with, “I've noticed lately that I'm always the one reaching out. I sometimes think that if I didn't talk first, we wouldn't talk at all, and that makes me a little sad. I wonder if there's a reason I don't hear from you much these days.”
Change your interactions
By indicating exactly where your friendship feels one-sided, this can often provide solutions.
Maybe they never text first and then reply with a few words. Even if you think this means they don't want to talk to you at all, if you investigate the problem you will discover that they just don't like texting. You suggest having conversations over the phone instead.
Maybe they come to your house regularly, but never invite you over. Since you want a break from hosting every now and then, ask if you can visit them instead. They reveal that they live in a small apartment with family and have very little space for guests, so you decide to meet in the park.
Take a step back
It's okay to invest a little less energy in others when you feel exhausted. By relaxing communication for a week or two, you can often paint a clearer picture of your friendship.
If after a few days they text to say, “Are you okay?” I haven't heard from you', they may have trouble reaching out at first. If two weeks pass and you still haven't heard any words, it's worth considering whether that friendship is really meeting your needs.
It may also be that recognizing the friendship for what it is doesn't take as much effort as you thought. Maybe you have other healthy, balanced friendships and you don't mind one friend wandering into your life.
Ask for what you need
People may hesitate to offer emotional support or more tangible forms of help if they don't know you will accept it.
It never helps to assume someone knows what you need.
Saying to a friend, "I feel sad and lonely tonight," doesn't necessarily convey that you want them to come over. Some friends may respond with, "I'll be right over," but others may avoid making assumptions.
Of course, if you need company or anything else, asking can avoid confusion.
Instead of fostering a sense of connection, one-sided friendships can cause distress. One person cannot carry a friendship alone. Even trying to maintain the relationship can leave you exhausted, skeptical of their commitment, and even a little angry.
A sad truth in life is that friendships don't always blossom, no matter how much time, energy and love you put into them.
These tips can help you put an end to it and move on.
Make your intentions clear
When you tell your friend how you feel, they insist they care about your friendship, but they keep canceling plans and ignoring your texts.
A good next step? Tell them you don't want to end the friendship alone.
Try: “You mean something to me, but it hurts to keep trying to reach you when you don't care. I can't continue to invest time in this friendship if you don't make the same effort."
Please stop contacting me
When you end the friendship, you will have to stop reaching out. Stick to your decision even if you miss or worry about it.
Remember that you chose to end the friendship because it hurt you. By reaching out again, you can deliver the message that they can continue to benefit from.
Like other interpersonal skills, being a good friend can take trial and error. If they truly value your friendship, they will realize that they need to solve the problem and show a genuine commitment to improvement.
However, if you want to give them another chance, let them show their willingness to put in the effort by waiting for them to contact them.
Get support from people you trust
Losing a friend hurts, even if you chose to end it.
Spending time with other family members can make you feel less alone and remind you that people care about you and appreciate your company.
The loss of any friendship can impact well-being, but realizing that someone you care about does not have the same respect for you can cause deep emotional pain. In additionlonelinessand confusion, you may also notice:
- angst
- concern
- peace
- concern
If you have trouble dealing with painful or...unpleasant feelingstherapy can have many benefits.
A therapist can help you process and process feelings of sadness, loneliness, or depression and learn skills to cope with new,healthy friendships.
True friends accept help when they need it, but they also make sure to offer you the same.
Everyone needs help from time to time, and you don't have to feel guilty about wanting the same help you provide.
Crystal Raypole previously worked as a writer and editor for GoodTherapy. Her areas of interest include Asian languages and literature, Japanese translations, cooking, science, sex positivity and mental health. She is particularly committed to helping reduce the stigma surrounding mental health issues.
