This way you let go of control and free up some head space (2024)

It's hard to let go of control.

In times of uncertainty, people feel more secure when they have a sense of control. This often leads to attempts to control outcomes, situations, the reactions of others, or the environment. The more uncertain the situation, the more people cling to attempts at control.

In reality, the opposite is true.

To experience the greatest sense of calm, peace of mind, and agency over one's destiny requires a shift in this thinking. The shift is toward a mindset that focuses on self-efficacy rather than managing external factors.

Self-efficacy is the belief that we can do what needs to be done, no matter what is in front of us. It shows confidence in our own ability to persevere through challenges.

This shift requires us to let go of controlling results. The focus is instead on our inner world of thinking, outlook on life andemotional regulation.

Let's discuss how to let go of control, why it's important, and five simple steps to add it to your life.

The importance of letting go of control

Once you realize that you have no control over external events, you can direct your energy elsewhere. You can focus on the only thing you can control, your answersyour thinking, your attitude, your vision.

By letting go of controlling external factors, you increase confidence in yourself. This leads to improvements in physical and emotional health and agreater sense of strength and mental fitness.

You will experience an increase in...performance at workand more joy and freedom. Letting go of what you have no control over also opens the door to exciting or interesting possibilities that you haven't even imagined yet.

The art of surrender

Surrendering to the unknown can be scary. For most, surrender indicates vulnerability. This is rooted in the belief that we know the right path and how to get there.

But what happens when you are confronted with the unexpected or the irreparable?These things look like a pandemic, the illness or death of a loved one or a major change in your work. In fact, it takes strength and courage to surrender.

Amy Johnson, PhD., is a psychologist, coach, author and founder of The Little School of Big Change. She describes surrender as

“the complete acceptance of what is + the confidence that everything is okay, even without my input.

Surrender literally means: to stop fighting. Stop fighting with yourself. Stop fighting the universe and the natural flow of things. Stop resisting and going against reality.”

She goes on to say that surrender is not about passivity. It's about taking action from that place of surrendering energy.

Letting go in times of uncertainty

William Bridges was an American author, lecturer, organizational consultant and change expert. Leaders have been using the Bridges Transition Model for more than 30 years.

OfBrother's transitional modelhelps determine the difference between external and internal factors that influence your uncertainty.

• Change is defined as external events. This may include downsizing or reorganizations, illness, death, changes in social connections or community.

• Transition refers to the inner work that people do to process change and enable them to refocus on the change.

Bridges emphasizes that success comes from focusing on the inner transition. That is, to achieve true success, one must concentrateInner work.

Personal growth comes from pushing through a difficult situation, breaking through your comfort zone, and embracing the emotions (positive or negative) that are part of that growth.

Bridges Transition Model

The Bridges Transition Model has three phases:

1. Conclusions

The transition starts with letting go.

This first phase of transition begins when people recognize that an end has come and name their loss. There can be obvious losses and hidden losses.

For example, a new job can also mean the loss of an old identity or the loss of collegiality with former colleagues.

Here you decide what to let go and what to hold on to.

You may have some things that you hold on to lightly, some things that you hold on to tightly, and some things that you let go of because they no longer serve you. Without going through that assessment process and having the courage to let go, many people are stuck here.

2. Neutral zone

The next step in the transition comes after letting go.

This is the neutral zone or in-between time in which the old has disappeared, but the new has not yet been fully realized. This is where you learn who you are in the new reality, perhaps mourn your old self, and discover how to 'be' in the new beginning.

The neutral zone has no predetermined length.

Many people make the mistake of running through the neutral zone because they feel uncomfortable with the uncertain or unknown.

This is where the magic of letting go takes root and reveals new possibilities. You discover the new you, what you love, what you want to do more of, what you want to stop doing.

3. New beginnings

A beginning implies a new understanding, new values, a new attitude. You realize your new identity. Well-managed transitions allow you to create new roles with an understanding of your purpose.

You will better understand what role you play and how you can contribute to the new world.

Many people jump straight into new beginnings, such as a new job, without thinking about the ending or going through the neutral zone. This can lead to reduced satisfaction with the new role. Time spent on completions and in the neutral zone is critical to successful transitions.

How to let things go

Letting go is more of an art than a science.

But there is good news. You can learn skills to support your transitions through change and uncertainty. These exercises will help you know what to hold on to and what to let go.

1. Focus on what you can control

You have no control over external events or the reactions of others. You only have agency over your thinking, attitude, reactions and reactions.

You have to learn to trust that the things you have no control over will happen as they do and will generally work out for the best.

There are a few different ways to build this trust, and different methods work for everyone. For some, religious faith helps them let go of control. Others place their trust in the universe or fate.

Others have learned from experience that most things out of their control usually turn out for the better. They may decide to place their trust in purely statistical evidence.

Do what works for you.

2. Don't rush through the transition

Fully embrace endings and name your losses (even if they are failures). Think about what you need to hold lightly, what you need to hold on to, and what you need to let go of that no longer serves you.

Practice letting go of a specific outcome and instead allowing options and possibilities to come to mind. This is where your new beginnings can form right before your eyes.

3. Be real

you do not likethe change around you, but if you ignore this, this will not change and you will not be supported in making the switch.

Adopt a mindset that fully recognizes the new reality. Don't ask yourself how to change it back.

Instead, ask yourself, "Now that this has happened, how will I respond?"

4. Identify your triggers

Identifying the triggers that make you want to control external events gives you information. You can then use interventions to disrupt your thought process and change your thinking.

Notice tension in your body orincrease in fear responses.

This is an extremely useful technique to deal withpainful feelings related to trauma. It helps you avoid a circ*mstance wherecan trigger a stress response.

Take action to relax and calm your body and mind.

5. Contact you

There are many practices that open space for your mind to process the change. These support your efforts for a successful transition. It doesn't matter which one you choose, as long as you choose one that works for you.

In per idea:

• Practice mindfulness meditation to stay in the moment
• Use a positive affirmation as a source of inspiration and to control negative thoughts
• Do what brings you joy without losing track of time
• Spend some time outside in nature
• Do some physical exercisewhat you enjoy
• Practice conscious breathing
• Meet friends or loved ones and focusbuild a meaningful relationship
• Do something new
• Allow yourself to dream about possible futures and quietly observe how you feel as you consider these possibilities

It's time to let go of control

It can be easy to want to be in control of everything in your life.

The problem is that if you don't learn to let go, you quickly become overwhelmed by fear, anger and negative emotions. You may have difficulty meeting all your obligations and controlling your behavior.

Remember these five steps to let go and move past a control issue. You will find yourself filled with happiness and inner peace:

1. Focus on that, you are in control
2. Don't rush through the transition
3. Be in reality
4. Identify your triggers
5. Contact you

Do you need help to improve your mental fitness or that of your employees?Discover what BetterUp Care has to offer.

Published on July 8, 2021