The official spicy snack power command (2024)

We are suffering from heat nationwide. We have come a long way from the real origins of spiciness in food – preventing and masking spoilage, imparting flavor and evenkeep rats away.Now you can't throw a rock without hitting a hot chicken restaurant, or a YouTuber posting a video of himself eating Carolina Reapers and othersesophageal destructiveBell pepper. Spice has become a sport.

But the children. What about the children? Well, millennials and Gen Z-ers are honestly at the forefront of this red-hot orgy, and it is in that spirit that I hereby present to you the authoritative, definitive and utterly undisputedL.A. Times Spicy Snack Power-ranglijst.Like antibiotic-resistant bacteria, their infiltration into our country cannot be stopped, so fighting them makes little sense.

I've rounded up every spicy snack known to man, except for the ones I couldn't find, those that weren't deemed worth including, or both. What do you say, what do you mean? Do all these Flamin' Hot and spicy snacks taste the same? FALSE. There are subtle differences, which I would like to illustrate below. I ranked the snacks based on 1) taste and 2) heat, the amount of saliva-tempting capsaicin I detected in each snack.

1) Doritos Flamin 'Hot Nacho

There is an understated genius at work here, as in this parodyHeadphone scene "Garden State",except Natalie Portman makes Zach Braff listen to a full three-hour episode of "The Joe Rogan Experience." These are delicious and, just as importantly, they are extremely snackable. That puts them in a slightly different category than some other varieties, which are tasty, but you may not necessarily want to finish the entire bag for fear of eating through your stomach lining.

Think regular Doritos, but with a kick as strong as a Flamin' Hot Cheeto: they have the perfect blend of cheesy and spicy.

2) Flamin' Hot Cheetos Puffs

These little guys are shaped like a cartoon elephant's trunk and are just like regular Flamin' Hot Cheetos, right? Not so! The small indentations in the fried, popped corn hold the spice powder better, leading to more intense heat and flavor. With standard spicy Cheetos and Doritos, you get weird ones with almost no seasoning at all, and a handful of "good ones" with lots of powdered cake on top.

The puffs are consistent, heavily spiced. That's the plus. The slight downside is that the fluffy, fried texture, while novel at first, can become a little nauseating as the bits consistently get crushed into your back teeth.

3) Pop Fuego-popcorn

I bring you the incomparable Pop Fuego, basically Taki's popcorn. I say "incomparable" because I literally don't know what to compare it to - I was torn between whether this was really good or really, really bad, and ultimately decided that I liked it. The MSG has been increased to 12, and the innocent, pale pink color of the grains hides a very intense flavor rollercoaster.

Maybe rollercoaster isn't the right word. It's more like dropping blackheads on your boyfriend or girlfriend's back after gym class: it's gross, but you love it, and you hate yourself for loving it. Pop Fuego cores aren't particularly heat-heavy, but they are almost hyperbolically sharp and spicy. Our resident social media guru,Lauren Lee, is convinced they ate a hole in one of her molars.

And yet, even if your teeth melt, it's hard to stop eating this. The bite-sized tang gives way to a pleasant crunch and modest heat, making it easy to plow through a bag unknowingly. Real heat lovers won't be happy, but your cousin from Connecticut who calls La Croix "spicy water" should be able to handle them.

4) Flamin 'Hot Cheetos

These are the standard bearers. The snack to which all others should be compared. The seasoned breadwinner. Your heat workhorse. That which performs consistently, day in and day out. Like the DodgersClayton Kershaw,these are so reliably good that it's easy to take their 2.42 lifetime ERA for granted.

But that would be a mistake, because these have it all: heat, texture, crunch and flavor. But also an inspiring oneorigin story.Ricardo Montañez, who worked as a janitor at Frito-Lay, approached the CEO with an idea: What if you made spicy Cheetos? Based on thatbutmodel of corn, cheese, chili and lime, Montañez began testing the product in stores in East L.A. and quickly realized he had a hit on his hands. Years and many millions of sales later, Flamin' Hot products are everywhere, and Montañez is vice president of the company. It's pretty coolright?

5) Takis Fuego (tie)

Takis (or "taquis") are the benchmark for the super-sharp, wind-inducing lime flavor found in many of these spicy snacks. They have a good heat component with equally sharp tongs to complement it. Takis are fairly thick tortilla chips, rolled into small cylinders. Is it my absolute favorite way to convey flavor? Not really, but penne isn't my favorite pasta shape either. However, I do appreciate how Takis could help solve our plastic problem by acting as a disposable straw while making everything taste like Michelada as a side benefit.

5) Doritos Dynamite (tie)

With its Dinamitas, Doritos creates its own cylindrical Takis-like snack. The taste has a nice balance between lime and strong heat. They're really neck-and-neck with Takis, but what's nice about these is that they're not as sharply salty, giving the zest of the lime and the sting of the chili better opportunities to show themselves.

Top left quadrant with spicy snacks

(Martina Ibanez-Baldor in Kent Nishimura / For The Times)

7) Turbos flame

Turbos Flamas are like spiral Takis, with more corn flavor and a little less of the spice-lime coating. Texturally, the spiral is a more pleasant chewing experience, and the corn flavor is more prominent. There's some serious heat in these creeping up behind you, like your jury date or tax day. Once it arrives, your complacency melts away and you face the consequences.

8) Chester's Flamin' Hot Puffcorn

We usually associate cartoon characters that encourage children to consume unhealthy things with breakfast cereals - Cocoa Puffs the cuckoo bird, the Trix bunny, etc. But Chester Cheetah is one of the few recognizable cartoon characters that represent salty snacks, so he has a lot going for him. up for him. his shoulders. He wears sunglasses at all times of the day, has the air of an old-school jazzman, and says things like, "Slick, Dad-o!"

His predicament is simple but familiar: he wants delicious, cheesy Cheeto brand snacks, but isconsistently rejectedthat of a cheetah-hating public. He wanted to buy them himself, but when was the last time you saw a cheetah carrying money? You'd think the fastest land mammal could find a way to grab a bag or two from an unsuspecting public, but no, he's constantly thwarted.

With Flamin' Hot Puffcorn it's easy to see where the obsession comes from. Puffcorn, which looks nothing like popcorn except for its bumpy, round shape, falls somewhere between a Cheeto puff and a marshmallow in texture. It's strangely addictive. The corn puff pastry melts in your mouth with virtually no chewing. They are not particularly fiery, but the eating experience is similar to something like eating spiced breakfast cereal. The dark horse of the Flamin' Hot world.

9) Xxtra Flamin 'Hot Cheetos

Fun fact: Apparently there's a market for Cheetos that look like things. Take this one, which has the shape ofSuper Mario,claims the buyer. Orit,which some think resembles the deceased gorilla Harambe. The point is, there are stupid people out there.

These Xxtra Flamin' Hot Cheetos (the extra "x" stands for Xxtra spicy!) are, as advertised, very spicy. But plain Flamin' Hot is honestly better. There's a certain balance of flavor and heat that's desirable, and this one just tastes a little too much like chili powder. The heat isn't unmanageable, it's just not worth what you give in return. As soon as spices become an end in themselves, we as a country have lost our way.

10) Zapps Spicy Cajun Crawtators

The involvement ofZappsthis list may be a bit incongruous, but since they've been selling seasoned chips since 1985, it didn't feel right to leave them out. The quality of the Crawtators is very good: thick, crispy and with a modest heat. The slightly fishy crawdad flavor is not too strong and complements the Cajun spices nicely. These aren't the chips I'd reach for when I want to sweat, but this is a quality chip.

11) Doritos Tapatio

The main thing I want to say here is this: Tapatío is better than Cholula. Neither packs much punch in terms of heat, but I find the Tapatío to be more garlicky, saltier, and sharper than its cousin. Founded in the 1970s in the small town of Maywood (just southwest of downtown Los Angeles) by a Mexican immigrant, Jose-Luis Saavedra Sr., its motto is "Es una salsa... muy salsa."It is a sauce that is very juicy.Hard to argue with the Confucian simplicity of these words.

As for the chips, they taste, as expected and pleasantly, like Tapatío. Not too much, not too little, and they are not particularly spicy. They're good to eat, but if you're looking for a bag full of pain, these don't deliver.

12) Flamin 'Hot Cheetos-citroen

The lime flavor of these Flamin' Hot Cheetos is relatively tame compared to Takis — that could be a good or a bad thing depending on what you're looking for. Takis is pure chili and lime. Cheetos obviously have a cheese component that goes well with the citric acid. Final Verdict: The Takis family of products is superior if you're really looking for something sour to suck on. Otherwise these will do it.

Top right quadrant with spicy snacks

(Martina Ibanez-Baldor in Kent Nishimura / For The Times)

See Also

Reseña de Doritos FlamaThe Spiciest Chips that you can get in America - smashed

13) Zapps Hotter 'N Hot Jalapeño

The spiciest of Zapp's offerings (another I tried, the Voodoo Heat, was tasty but not spicy) tastes convincingly of jalapeño peppers, with a consistent, spreading burn worthy of a shot of penicillin. Zapp's chips have a great texture and compelling taste – they're a premium snack chip if you can find them near you – but these won't satisfy the die-hard spice heads out there.

14) Ja Señor Charritos Sticks Extreme

The flavorings stick to the sticks – which look a bit like small potatoes with a rough texture, made from a Frito-like corn product – and provide a nice balance of chili and spice. Necessary snacking? No. Worth a trip? Yes sir.

15) Flamin' hete ruches

These tasted a bit like a spicy version of cheddar and creme fraiche frills, but didn't get very "flaming" or "hot". There is a slight kick, but nothing moremukbangabout. Still, they taste good and I think they are definitely worth buying. Remember the cousin from Connecticut I mentioned above? Buy this for her mother.

16) Takis Nitro

Oops. These are supposed to taste like habanero and lime, but - SURPRISE - they are sweet and taste similar to a lime Jolly Rancher. The finish contains a slight medicinal sharpness, like a freshly scrubbed hospital room. They definitely grab your attention, but I'm not sure I could eat more than a handful.

17) Chester's Flamin' Hot Fries

If this is your thing, fine, but I'm not sold on it. Taste-wise, these are "fries" that are about as similar to real fries as these aredog in a spider suitlooks like a real spider, has an unpleasant aftertaste of potato flakes. These taste quite heavy on cheese and there is a modest heat component.

18) Flamin’ Hot Munchies Snackmix

If one thing is good, several good things together are even better, right? Sometimes you mix peanut butter and chocolate and you get a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. But sometimes you combine Slash and Duff McKagan of Guns N' Roses with Scott Weiland of Stone Temple Pilots and you get the ultra-crapola bandVelvet revolver.

I think this Munchies mix leans a bit towards the latter. The components – Doritos, Cheetos, Sun Chips and Rold Gold pretzels – are all fine on their own. Together, deepened with hot spices, they are less good than separately. The herb doesn't really have legs and much of the heat is absorbed by the starchy pretzels. Drop by.

Lower left quadrant with spicy snacks

(Martina Ibanez-Baldor in Kent Nishimura / For The Times)

19) Flaming Doritos

These are essentially Takis in Dorito form, and while they're decent, they're nothing special. The chili and lime flavors are solid, but stronger versions can be found elsewhere. However, if you're looking for something like a lower quality Taki, I might buy this one.

20) Flamin' Hot Fritos

These don't taste bad, especially if you like the assertive corn-forward flavor of a regular Frito, but I'm not sure what to think. They're light in temperature, which ultimately leads to what ultimately resembles a weakened barbecue chip: they're less "Flamin' Hot" than "oddly underseasoned." Like the last 'Game of Thrones' season, Flamin' Hot Fritos floats on its reputation and seems a bit twisted and pointless.

21) Flamin 'Hot Lays

Flamin' Hot Lays are basically fortified barbecue chips. They taste like ketchup and liquid smoke and lack most of the heat of your typical Flamin' Hot choices. It's a great chip. But it's hard to get excited about, like the Toronto Raptors' championship, once you realize how happy it made Drake.

22) Paqui Haunted Ghost-peperchips

The bad: The actual taste of this isn't very good. The Good: Holy Toledo, this stuff is spicy. And I mean, they arevery spicy,i.e. don't give this one to your tuna noodle-eating Midwestern parents unless you want lots of tears and apologies later.

The spice hits hard, and if you're not careful while eating these, you may inhale some of the powdered spice, which produces a subdued "I just got pepper sprayed." But again, other than an unimpressive, slightly peppery taste, these don't taste like much.

23) Takis knapperige fajitas

What happens to a sizzling plate of fajitas when it enters the flavor factory and comes out as a chip? Apparently not good: these taste mainly like salt and dried beef - what I imagine sucking on a beef stock cube would be like. It's all well and good if you e.g. is a deer looking for a salty treat, but as a human I didn't enjoy it.

24) Hot and Spicy Cheez-Its

There are a number of themCheez-its-commercialswhere an "immature" wheel of cheese makes lame jokes in the doctor's office. That cheese wheel, we're told, isn't appropriate to use, as Cheez-Its only uses "mature" cheese. Later in the commercial, a more mature wheel of cheese is seen complimenting the doctor and commenting on what a beautiful day it is.

In other words, the aged cheese is quite soft, and perhaps that's why it smells a bit. Some more silliness is needed. Although they taste a bit peppery, there is no spice involved. They taste like regular Cheez-Its dipped in kid's hot sauce.

Bottom right spicy snacks quadrant

(Martina Ibanez-Baldor in Kent Nishimura / For The Times)

25) The tasty Blazin' Hot Cheese Crunchies

If you can't trademark "Flamin' Hot®", you might as well use "Blazin' Hot®". If these feel like a weak, disappointing version of Flamin' Hot Cheetos, that's because they are. Not that there's anything wrong with being distracted; sometimes it can even be better than what came before. Watch NSYNC; look at Aristotle; watch "The Godfather Part II."

So imitation can often be more than flattery. But that is not the case here. The flavor is weak, a palimpsest of the fiery, cheesy goodness it mimics. The heat and cheese in this just don't sing: someone at the factory needs to turn up the MSG or something.

26) Flamin 'Hot Funyuns

This was the group's big disappointment. As a child, I occasionally enjoyed the gross Funyun with onion ring, a portmanteau of “fun” and “onion,” two words rarely found together in the same sentence. But the onion powder flavor of a Funyun just doesn't pair well with the hot flavor for some reason, leading to a snack that is neither here nor there. It's not very spicy and not very oniony either. Less fun than a regular Funyun.

27) Andy Capps hot fries

Oh, Andy Cap. Horrible, drunk, violentAndy Chap.Always in the pub and jumping on his cart, coming home late and perpetually unemployed, and with the ever-present cigarette hanging out of his mouth. It was one of those comics that I actually actively wanted to avoid when I read the newspaper as a kid (along with Brenda Starr andKever Bailey), and I've never understood why this unfunny creation would ever have its own line of snacks.

But he does. And they're not very good. These have a mild heat and a spice mix that tastes unpleasantly like tomato powder. Maybe they like this one in the North East of England? But we have better opportunities at state.

28) Trader Joe's Ghost Pepper Kartoffel Chips

I do not likeTrader Joe's.Despite widespread admiration and support forGerman chain,I'm not charmed. I'm not fond of these chips either. They are weak. Are these made from ghost peppers? More Casper the Friendly Ghost peppers, because these are some of the mildest chips I've ever eaten! (*holds out hand for high five*) These are weirdly sweet and have almost no heat at all.Thumbs down.

29) Fried Flamin' Hot Cheetos

With Baked Flamin' Hot Cheetos, there's a bit of bargaining going on. Just like with Snackwells and TCBY frozen yogurt, you're trying to get something for nothing. Can I have delicious cake, cookies and ice cream without consuming fat and sugar? Of course, brands tell us this is absolutely possible. Except you really can't.

Of"Snackwell-effect"documents that consumers with eco-friendly washers and dryers wash more clothes than they usually do, completely negating the energy-saving effects. The point is that the simple fact that a snack is low in fat is notby that factA good thing: The snack should be judged on its own merits, as you'll likely eat a lot more of the snack than if you ate the non-diet version.

And Baked Flamin' Hot Cheetos are bad. They taste bad. They taste like crumpled paper put in the oven and mixed with a tall glass of crispy air. All the fried deliciousness of the original snack is completely lost. There's one benefit, and one only, as far as I know: the lack of flavor in the Cheeto itself allows the Flamin' Hot seasoning to pop more, creating the illusion of greater heat. If you must buy these, I recommend soaking up the flavor and then tossing the real Cheetos—a tried-and-true way to save yourself the extra calories.

30) Trader Joe's Spicy Cheese Crunchies

Okay, Trader Joe's, you want more from me? Again, unless you're a 20-something city dweller who lives on cheap wine and frozen food (and I realize that's true for many of you), I just don't understand why people love Trader Joe's. I don't like bad products. I don't like that when I want to buy something normal, like Heinz ketchup or Cheerios, I have to settle for their crappy knockoffs. And despite the fact that David continues"sh*t's Creek"does the exact same thing at Rose Apothecary and he literally can do no wrong. I don't like that all their stuff is TRADER JOE'S BRAND, everything like there's a giant factory in Monrovia churning out fat free yogurt, flatbread pizza, peanut butter stuffed pretzels and spaghetti sauce all at the same time. And Isuperdon't like racist assesMerchant MingsInTrader Joe-San'slabels they stick on their Chinese and Japanese food.

But I digress. Back to the snacks. In flavored savory snacks you want a seamless blend of THINGS and POWDER THAT TASTES THE THING. With properly prepared snacks you will not notice this interplay of flavors. It's like watching actors in a movie: when you think about the acting, they're not good actors.

And this is not a good snack. The whole time I was eating these I was thinking, "This tastes like someone took some tasteless fried corn puffs and rolled them in a vaguely sweet pepper that expired in 2012." Do better, Trader Joe's. Or rather, make it better, whatever mysterious company actually makes it!