How can I reconnect with an old friend without being weird? (2024)

We all have fond memories of an old friend: chatting, laughing and spending time with them. Life happens and we may have grown apart over time, but sometimes something can remind us of them and we will wonder for a moment how they are doing.

If you havelost contact with a friend, you are not alone. According to a 2016 study, people often lose contact with others after the age of 25.Life can get in your way, with hectic schedules, different paths, life changes and major changes making it difficult to stay connected with all the people in your life.

Why we need to reconnect with old friends

These are some of the benefits of reconnecting with an old friend, according toSabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University:

• Relive happy memories:Spending time with an old friend can help us remember and relive happy memories, adventures, and the strong bonds we developed during difficult times.
• This is how you get in touch with your past:Breathe new life into friendshipsdifferent moments in our livescan help us reconnect with different parts of ourselves. Old friends can remind us of the person we used to be and help us get in touch with parts of ourselves that may have been repressed over the years.
• Gives a new perspective:Reconnecting with old friends can give us a new perspective on our lives now compared to the past. We can also gain perspective on the past from someone who lived through it with us.
• Building your community:Rekindling a friendship with an old friend can help us strengthen our roots and feel more rooted in our community. A deeper sense of connection contributes to better well-being.

Yes, things *can* get awkward

No matter how close we were with our friend, there may now be awkwardness in the relationship. For example, we may experience the following:

• Hurt feelings:People sometimes take drifting friendships personally and interpret the distance in the relationship negatively. For example, they assume that the other person did not like them enough to keep in touch, or that they deliberately distanced themselves. Their feelings may be hurt, or they may beLook angrily at someoneagainst the other person for not keeping in touch.
• Changes over time:Reconnecting can also be tricky because people change significantly over time and our point of reference for our old friend can be very different from the person they are now. We may discover that our lives have taken radically different paths since we were younger, and it can be challenging to connect our shared past when our current lives are so different.
• Comparisons:When reconnecting with an old friend from the past, there may be a tendency to compare current situations. Negative themes of jealousy, envy orupward social comparisoncould prevent a new connection.

But we can make it less difficult!

Dr. Romanoff suggests some tips that can help us avoid discomfort when reconnecting with an old friend:

• Contact us via social media:Connect with them via social media ortext messageif you are too nervous to make a call or start a meeting. Follow one of their latest posts to spark a conversation about what they're up to. Build the relationship slowly in a way that feels natural to you.
• Show some love:If you really enjoy connecting with your old friend, make it a point to communicate that to him or her. Be warm and loving to them and let them know how much it means to you. Genuine warmth can take away some of the awkwardness that can develop in a relationship.
• Bring back a good memory:Start the conversation by bringing up a fond memory or a good time you shared. It will take you both back to the moment when you were close and help smooth over the question of "What are you up to next?" conversations that can sometimes be difficult.
• Show your interest:While you're chatting with your friend, let him/her know that you're interested in what he or she is sharing with you.Be alert, asking follow-up questions and empathizing with them can help you connect with them and get to know who they are today.
• To move previous conflicts:Don't dwell on conflict or its causesfriendshipslipped apart. If it surfaces naturally over time, feel free to address any hurt feelings. But in the beginning, focus on what you had in common and the good times you shared together.
• Make future plans:When you end your conversation or meeting with your friend, make future plans with him or her based on common interests.